A Quick Meditation On My Silence
Ponder perfect: the intersection of curtains and wall and ceiling in my bedroom, colors to calm the mind. I got an amazing comment this week: Someone came by my blog to see if I had written a new post....
View ArticleThat Feeling In The Pit of My Stomach
Out in the cold, Grand Army Plaza, Brooklyn, 2011. So I guess I have good Spidey senses. I’ll take that as my sole comfort. Today, as my boyfriend emeritus (as I’d taken to calling him, since he still...
View ArticleThe Ugly Cry
I came unplugged today, on the drive from my apartment in Brooklyn to my weekend rental upstate (aka my little slice of heaven). It had taken me an hour to pack up my car before I hit the road (I...
View ArticleThe Disappeared
I just lost a post. I can’t believe I just lost a post. About loss. About all the loss, the so much loss, the almost three years of it… And I lost the post. Hit “Publish” and then it just … Continue...
View ArticleShame
This week, my psychiatrist called the pain I am going through “eviscerating.” I felt relieved when he said that. I felt seen. I felt like it was allowed, my pain, and that he had seen it to be the ugly...
View ArticleGood Words from a Good Friend
Today, the lovely and beautiful Alexandra posted this on her blog Good Day, Regular People and I had to steal it (ahem, repurpose it) because I feel these are the words I need to say to myself — maybe...
View ArticleA Love Letter to Camille
Of course, when you move to a new place, you leave things behind. But what’s been so surprising for me, is how little I miss from the Park Slope life. Clearly I was well past the expiration date of my...
View ArticlePhoto At My Desk
Sometimes I write things for other places. Especially when it’s for a friend, like my friend Margit who just launched a great site filled with great voices. Go read her piece Dinosaur, Jr. If you are a...
View ArticleWhat’s Left Behind
So I’m settling into this amazing new life I made for myself. And, truly, I do wake up every day and come home from work in the evenings on the days I go into the city and think, “Oh my god, I pulled...
View ArticleThe Give and Take
So four or so days ago, I dared to write about What I Did Right in the years of getting my son and me to the safe, good place we are now. And I paused for an ordinary moment of peace. So, of course,...
View ArticleLooking Over My Shoulder
I undertook a big renovation in my house this year, adding a new bathroom and a walk-in closet to the big open room I decided to turn into a master bedroom when I bought the house. This meant stealing...
View ArticleLayers of Endings
The falls at Beacon. April, 2016 In my life, very few shifting events—those decisive moments when life goes from This to That—unfold in a solo way, happening all by itself. I seem to get disruptions in...
View ArticleThis Is My Church
I just realized today something that should have been obvious to me years ago: this blog is my church. I come here when I am wounded and wondering, when I feel the ache of being human in a way I need...
View ArticleThe Unmade Me
Moving around the pieces, looking for peace. Sigh. Coming here makes me feel sad. I used to write. I used to get paid to write (crazy, I know). I used to get paid to write and have ideas and share...
View ArticleA Flash of Light in the Forest
Garrison, July 2017. It’s been six, seven months since I wrote here. And those many months ago, I wrote about The Unmade Me, this peculiar sense I have of being lost in my own life. I would say I’m...
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